How to Delegate So You Have More Time for Fun
When I was in 6th grade (give or take a grade), my mom was done with my complaining about the school lunches she packed for me. “You can do it yourself,” she huffed as she exited the kitchen stage left (to sit on the couch and read).
“BUT!” I protested. (That was my full argument. “But.”)
Guess who didn’t starve to death at lunch time every day?
In high school, my mom had surgery, and it was serious enough that my brother, dad, and I had to run the household for a few weeks. Maybe she tried to prepare us before surgery? I am guessing she did, because it was scheduled, after all.
In any case, I remember learning how to use the washer and dryer.
I was slowly becoming a responsible, productive adult who was capable of caring for myself.
We all go through a similar journey. We learn life skills because someone takes the time to teach us, or we figure it out ourselves because we have no choice.
Somewhere along the line, we get so good at doing all the things that we forget that other people, like our spouses, also know how to do these things. Or can learn how to do these things, and, you know, help.
And guess what? Our kids can learn, too!
Why delegating household tasks and chores is so hard
But as responsible, productive adults, delegating tasks doesn’t come naturally. We’ve always done it, so we just keep doing it. Then we start making up stories. “It’s easier if I just do it,” we tell ourselves. “And I’ll do it better than anyone else, so ….”
This thinking becomes such a trap that we end up doing most (or all) household tasks and chores. We do the ones we enjoy, we do the ones we hate. We let our spouses and kids off the hook. And one day, we find ourselves exhausted and resentful.
But here’s my point: If you are doing all the things, you will have no time or energy for fun.
I asked one of my coaching clients to list every task and chore she does at home. She quickly ticked off 14 things. Then I asked what her husband does. The answer was so depressing. “He helps when I ask him to.”
It turned out, she did ask him to help every once in a while, but the entire burden of running a household fell on her, even though they both work full-time and volunteer a lot.
No wonder she was burned out. She didn’t have a spare second to take a break.
(And listen, I am not pointing fingers here. (If I’m pointing a finger at you, three are pointing back at me anyway.) I had to learn how to delegate, too. And it wasn’t always easy. The hardest thing to delegate? “Noticing” - more on that below.)
I asked my friend Nicole Bryan what makes delegation skills so elusive. As the owner of Empower Virtually, a virtual assistant agency, she constantly works with business owners who keep an iron grip on many, many tasks that someone else can do.
“I think one of the biggest reasons people struggle to delegate is because they feel like they have to explain everything perfectly first,” Nicole told me. “Or they think, ‘It'll just be faster if I do it myself.’ And sometimes it will be faster the first time. But if you're still doing that same task six months from now, how much time have you actually saved?”
Yes, she is talking about work-related tasks, but this is perfectly applicable to your time outside of work.
How to delegate
Nicole said the easiest way to start delegating is by choosing one thing that drains you, repeats regularly, or simply doesn't need to be done by you.
Let’s say you absolutely loathe grocery shopping. This checks off each of Nicole’s boxes. It drains you, it repeats weekly, and it - gasp! - doesn’t need to be done by you.
Yet each week, you set aside two hours for it, which includes driving time, navigating grocery store parking where no one is paying attention to anyone else, and stopping at two different stores because heaven forbid you can get everything in one place.
Six months goes by, and you just spent a little over TWO days (or 52 hours) on a task someone else can do with a detailed shopping list in hand.
I am here to tell you that you can delegate this task! Your spouse or fairly responsible young adult child can do it, or you can outsource it to your grocery store’s online order/pickup system.
Will your spouse, kid, or online shopper hit a home run every time? Nope. But neither do you or I. If the store doesn’t have bananas, they don’t have bananas.
To ease the transition to someone in your household, you can go grocery shopping with them once or twice to show them how you choose produce or a substitute product when the exact one you want isn’t available.
Will you get phone calls and/or texts and/or requests to do FaceTime when your spouse or kid goes shopping for you? Yes. But spending a few minutes on FaceTime still saves you many, many hours over the long run.
The hardest thing to delegate: noticing
Ever hear of “notice, do, complete”? You probably do it all the time without realizing it.
You walk in the front door and notice your kids’ sneakers dumped in the middle of the foyer. You pick them up, open the coat closet, and place them neatly in their cubby.
Notice, do, complete. Notice: the sneakers. Do: pick them up. Complete: put them away.
Notice the empty plate and glass by the sink. Open the dishwasher, pick up the dishes, place them in the dishwasher, close the door.
The problem is, you do this ALL the time, so no one in your house needs to notice. Teaching them to pay attention will be one of the hardest things you ever do. Trust me on this.
I’m lucky in that my husband already does this well. My son has learned how to do this now that he moved out and lives with three other 20 and 21 year old boys. But my daughter is completely oblivious. And she just turned 24.
(If you’d like a cheat sheet on how to teach “notice, do, complete”, shoot me an email.)
With more time on your hands, more fun is to be had
One thing I have learned as The Fun Coach is that you need to get things off your plate so you can free up time for fun.
Repeat after me: “It’s OK to delegate and outsource tasks and chores. I deserve having more time to have more fun.”
You are not delegating brain surgery. You are delegating doing laundry, washing dishes, and taking out the garbage and recycling cans every week.
Things won’t be done perfectly every time. But it’ll get done, and you’ll have more time to learn how to crochet, create a junk journal, or simply read a book.
Right now, jot down one thing you’d love to get off your plate. Who can do it? When can you ask them for help doing it - or teach them how to do it?
Make a plan today.
You got this.
